Have you ever wondered why you behave or act out sometimes the way that you do? Most likely it stems from certain events that have happened during your childhood that have left certain wounds behind. Maybe you were bullied, maybe you lost a parent, maybe you were neglected by loved ones; but whatever it has been it has been some negative event that has led you to behave a certain way in your adult life.
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The internal war you wage with yourself may not be seen by others but it is always felt by you!
Lorraine Dawn Nilson |
As an adult have you succumbed to some sort of addiction, or are you constantly seeking external validation from others? Were you emotionally neglected? Whatever it may be, inner child wounds affect your behaviour as an adult.
Your inner child is a part of your subconscious mind that has been picking up messages way before you were able to process them completely (mentally and emotionally). It is the forgiving, free-spirited part of us that still feels and experiences life as if we were a child. The inner child yearns to feel loved, seen, heard, protected and acknowledged.
An inner child narrative is a lens through which we live our adult lives and situations which most often cause distortions of how we view ourselves and situations around us. It can leave us behind with feelings of despair, hopelessness, loneliness and fear.
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When our adult consciousness “merges” with the inner child narrative, our inner child’s “lens” can overshadow our adult perceptions |
Based on the wounds of our past we may make decisions that are based on an OLD reality and not on the present. This can lead to distortions in our reality and even lead to rash decisions and how people view us.
Suppose if your parents were never really emotionally present for you during your childhood, you may feel neglected and thereby in your adult life become hyper-independent, not wanting to rely on anyone for help or support. It is very rare to come across a child from a completely safe and secure family life because most often there will be wounds left behind on every child.
There are 5 different types of inner child wounds and these are: rejection, abandonment, humiliation, injustice and betrayal. This is a result of childhood trauma, which are serious adverse childhood experience. Most often it is a result of psychological trauma – neglect abandonment, sexual abuse, emotional abuse and physical abuse.
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Childhood trauma occurs within the age limit of 0-18 years and can lead to low levels of trusting others, low self-esteem, fears of being judged, outbursts of frustration or even social anxiety symptoms. |
EXAMPLES OF INNER CHILD NARRATIVES
1) I AM ALONE. THIS LONELINESS WILL STAY WITH ME FOREVER.
2) I FEEL UNLOVABLE. NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE ME
3) I CANNOT STOP WORRYING. WORRYING WILL HELP ME FIX THE SITUATION.
4) NO ONE WILL HELP ME. I HAVE TO ALWAYS RELY ON MYSELF.
5) I NEED ‘X’S LOVE & SUPPORT. WITHOUT IT, I CANNOT SURVIVE.
Most often when you have such an inner child narrative it can lead to very strong emotions such as feeling confused, dependent, desperate, despondent, impulsive, reactive and even in panic. All of these emotions result in how you are shaped in your adult personality and the person you are.
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When we are unconsciously merged with the inner child, it creates havoc in our lives, including unnecessary conflicts, problems, and hurts. |
Healing from your inner child’s wounds requires a lot of courage, clarity and compassion towards oneself. It is not at all easy to deal with complex emotions that stem from negative or painful events that have occurred in your past.
We have to consciously make decisions based on our present self and not based on any of our past situations, emotions or feelings. We need to be far more empowered and in control of the emotions that we face as adults. We need to de-couple our adult perspective from our inner child’s fearful narrative. We need to validate our own emotions and separate them from the painful events that have taken place in our lives. Once we learn to heal our inner child can we expect to live far more empowered lives and make conscious and informed decisions in our lives.
