Healing from Invisible Scars: The Emotional Scars

 Have you ever lost a parent or two parents or even an entire family or home? Have you ever had major traumatic events in your childhood which carry into your adulthood? Whether it is a separation between your parents, deaths in the family, horrific sexual abuse in childhood, having low self-esteem, suffering from mental illness or emotional instability; problems finding a partner, aggression and regression, sleep disorder or any other reason emotional scars leave behind a great amount of sadness and pain. They cause us to act out in certain ways in which we wouldn’t otherwise and can last for weeks, months or many years.

Maybe it could even be a fight between you and your friend or even between you and your sister or brother. It could even be between a co-worker. Whoever it has been with such events creates painful turbulence in the way we view ourselves and think about ourselves. 

Healing from toxic relationships with people – friendships/family dynamics/bonds which erode your sense of self-esteem and confidence, trust and well-being or any other experience.     

 These emotional scars just don’t go away or be forgotten, and at times impossible to just move past them. It is only within a matter of time that things can be moved past. The reality of such events needs to be accepted and acknowledged and life has to move beyond such events. Many people want to forget about such events that have shaken up their lives but that is not the way that you deal with things. They have to be accepted and dealt with so as to be able to be able to move on with life in a healthy fashion.

Self-destructive behavioural patterns will result due to emotional scars and prevent a person from being able to cope with the pain but is it going to change anything? 

Panic attacks, fear, constant worry, anxiety, depression, anger, aggression, hopelessness, reliving past memories and any other type of anxiety disorder can result in not being able to let go of emotional scars. 

Once a tragic or disturbing event occurs, it is also equally important to be able to let go of the wounds of the memory and move forward with our lives. 

“My scars tell a story. They are a reminder of times when life tried to break me but failed. They are markings of where the structure of my character was welded.”

Steve Maraboli

Unresolved emotional pain can lead to a lot of mayhem in the head and can prevent a person from focusing on the present- destroying the way they lead their lives.

If someone close passes away, there is a time for grieving but eventually that time will fade out and you need to get a grip on yourself so that you can lead your life. If disagreements happen between people, no one has the energy to hold onto feelings of anger, hurt, and resentment to ruin their lives. Would you be able to or would you let things go and try to focus on your own life?           

Of course, behind every scar there is definitely a story to be told but is that going to create your present life or future or lead to betterment? You can lament over the past and wish things hadn’t gone the way they perhaps did, but acceptance is the first step to letting go.

Unresolved emotional pain can also lead to flashbacks or intrusive memories of the emotional pain but it is when we can take charge of the emotional pain and yet divert our mind to productive and positive manners of thinking can we take charge of our behaviour.

Avoidance of confronting the pain is another emotional scar, people tend to believe is actually benefiting them when it only drags them further from the solution. This only leads individuals to go to psychiatrists or therapists, start psychiatric medicines which too have diverse side effects and at times even pity themselves.

Productive manners of thinking and behaving are the only way to deal with emotional scars as meditation, mindfulness, reading, going to the gym, socialising with people, yoga or any sort of mental activity such as sudoku, crossword puzzles, etc. can help a person move forward.  

It is okay to feel what you feel but it is NOT OK to acknowledge such feelings. You have to be kind to yourself – no one else will, right? If needed talk to oneself in a positive manner and if possible seek the help of a professional counsellor.

No one is born perfect and no one has it all figured out. Cognitive-behavioural therapy – such as keeping SMART goals, journalising, cognitive re-structuring, positive activities, situation exposure, and EMDR (eye-movement desensitization and reprocessing) are some of the therapeutic methods which seem to alleviate mental health problems and alleviate emotional distress. 

Putting attention on the here and now and the ability to choose a better future, following the concepts of the Japanese concept of ‘Ikigai’ – reason for being is also known to help people find clarity in their lives and alleviate emotional distress.

With your emotional makeup, nuances and unique identity, which method do you resort to?