Not everything that we want will be handed to us; sometimes we have to go out and get it i.e. we have to be assertive in our communication. Being assertive is knowing how to communicate, exactly what you want and need (require) in a very clear manner. It is not about being ‘forceful’ in our communication but pacing importance to your wants, needs or requirements while communicating.
It is also the ability to defend yourself appropriately and the ability to be your advocate. It is very important to communicate assertively so that you can get across your side of any story. In short, assertiveness refers to the quality of being self-assured and confident – without being passive-aggressive or hostile in interactions.
The book, The Assertiveness Guide for Women – How to Communicate Your Needs, Set Healthy Boundaries and Transform Your Relationships by author and licensed therapist, Julie De Azevedo Hanks – has provided women with a tool book to empower women’s style of communication. Assertiveness has a lot to do with your personality type and your attachment styles; whether it is anxious, avoidant or secure.
The book is filled with ample examples to understand each attachment style and how assertiveness can transform the barriers in communication. It is essential to view yourself and others through an attachment lens as it will not only provide you with insight but also help you to be able to assertively communicate with others.
Our attachment style (anxious/avoidant and secure) provides not only a template for others but also helps us to see ourselves, how much we trust others, the strategies we use to manage our emotions and how confident we are in sharing ourselves. It influences our comfort level and skill level when it comes to being assertive.
Communication is essentially an assertive action and it is how we use words, body language, tone and other non-verbal cues that play a significant role in sharing our emotions, needs and desires with others. While it is very important to express your feelings, thoughts, needs and wants verbally it is also very important to pay attention to our nonverbal cues and remember that there are many other components in communication.
The book covers many other self-expression styles such as differentiating between being a doormat(passive), the sword (powerful) stance and the lantern (assertive) stance. By gaining more awareness of which communication style we fall into can we try to take action or follow methods to improve our communication styles.
Communication is the key goal of human relationships and we all have an ingrained desire to make meaningful connections with others. It is therefore very important to learn how to be as assertive while communicating to form enduring bonds with people.
The book is equipped with numerous worksheets and awareness exercises to complete so that you become far more self-aware and conscious of your communication and assertiveness level.
The book encompasses all the barriers to assertive communication and how to navigate around them. It is also very important to uphold and set strong boundaries, despite the attachment style that you may have.
It is never too late to learn how to stand up for yourself and communicate effectively !
