Can your attachment style be the sole determinant in forming relationships with people? In this groundbreaking book, ‘Attached’ by psychiatrist and neuroscientist – Dr.Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S.F. Heller, we explore the main dominant adult attachment styles – anxious, avoidant and secure to decode relationship behaviours.
When we think of relationships, we often think of whether the two people are actually in love or compatible with each other but it’s not so common to dive into understanding one’s personality as a determinant of whether a relationship will work or not.
Think of the personality that you have… and your attachment needs. Remember that these attachment needs are NOT JUST for children but also adults. Attachment is an integral part of human behaviour throughout one’s entire life span. The attachment theory, i.e., the need to be in a close relationship is embedded in our genes.
This affects the closeness that we have with our parents, children, spouses, etc. It influences our moods and behaviour and ensures that we are safe and protected. There are mainly four different attachment styles: Secure attachment, Anxious attachment, Avoidant attachment and Disorganised attachment.
Attachment principles teach us that most people are only as needy as their unmet needs. When their emotional needs are met their attention turns outwards. This is why it is important to examine your personality and emotional bondage when it comes to a romantic relationship. Also, it has to be remembered that we live in times where dependency is a necessity – it is a fact and not a choice or preference.
The book puts forward many studies and examples of how each person with an attachment style behaves. It is a great book to understand how to understand not only one’s attachment style and be conscious and aware of it but also be mindful of the attachment unmet and met needs that your partner also has; in turn steering you to make easier decisions when choosing your partner.
